Be Here Now

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Mon, 20 May 2013 14:49:34 -0400

As I was scrambling to clean my house, in the midst of collecting trash I stumbled upon an idea...

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:25:22 -0400

As I was scrambling to clean my house, in the midst of collecting trash I stumbled upon an idea about perspective. Perspective is a funny thing. The more I cleaned, the more my attitude toward the condition of my apartment changed. Normally, I look past a bit of food on the counter or a browning banana, but for some reason I began to nitpick. Now, if you don’t know me, I tend to let things slide. This isn’t to mean that I am dirty or irresponsible, but rather, I work to go with the flow so to speak. But, I am proud to say that during my cleaning spree I was compelled to come write because I had this mini epiphany that I needed to pull from my head to my computer screen. Your attitude of all of life’s happenings, is directly connected to your perception of it. If you look for the beautiful, you’ll find yourself pressed against grass beds looking up in wonder. Or on the contrary, if you look for the cracks in the sidewalk, you’ll see more cracks. Now the ticket is not to simply look for the majestic, that’s not enough. And the idea of ignoring the corruption, destruction and disruption does not hold true either. The trick, my dear friends, is to take it all in and be amazed by it. Watch smokestacks like sunsets, and inject that emotion into something positive. If you are like me, and the idea of how we are destroying our planet pisses you off, then do what I do, and realize that if we as humans engineered something of that magnitude, than surely we can discover ways to responsibly and efficiently improve our society. It’s all about perspective. If you continue to search for roses in a garden, you’ll find them. And if you are looking for fallen petals, you’ll find them. Absorb everything but work toward quenching that thirst of wonder, and soon, you’ll have a garden brimming with vitality.

So my tumblr got hacked with a bunch of naked pictures. That just goes to show that I have not been...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 00:16:57 -0400

So my tumblr got hacked with a bunch of naked pictures. That just goes to show that I have not been writing enough. So whoever hacked my tumblr, thanks for the inspiration to go on tumblr more and write and change my password. Regardless I needed to write down some thoughts I’ve been having for the sake of sifting the swirling thoughts out so that they can rest like sand on the bottom of a creek.

I just re-read “On the Road,” by Jack Kerouac, and I can see why my 17 year old self fell in love with his ideas. I too want to know what the “IT” is and I’ve discovered that I’m constantly rediscovering it. It’s those moments where everything seems to shift into place and the planets align in your favor. Everything that could have happened did with that extra touch of spontaneity that is like Kerouac’s life on the road. It’s the nights where the stars seem to gaze down upon you and every step you take seems to be guided by the moon, pushing you along into the welcoming arms of a friend or the embrace of a midnight lover.

I promised myself to carry around a notebook in my back pocket so that I can start recording my life, but its difficult because I don’t want to miss living it. It’s a battle I have with myself, because I engage in as much of life as I can to become inspired to write, but I write to swallow up and digest all that life has to offer. Either way, I am constantly writing, whether it be chicken scratch on a weathered notebook, late-night rants on tumblr or the plot of my everyday life.

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Wed, 27 Mar 2013 22:01:20 -0400

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Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:38:03 -0400

The Haikū Stairs, also known as the Stairway to Heaven, is a...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:34:32 -0400

The Haikū Stairs, also known as the Stairway to Heaven, is a steep hiking trail on the island of Oahu,Hawaii.

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Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:32:45 -0400

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Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:29:16 -0400

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Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:28:22 -0400

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Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:32:11 -0400

chocolatevulcan: i am hooked actually tho Delicious

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:24:31 -0400

chocolatevulcan:

i am hooked actually tho

Delicious

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Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:23:45 -0400

gramspiration: Rio de Janeiro

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:23:25 -0400

gramspiration:

Rio de Janeiro

minus the bear - excuses

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:51:06 -0400

minus the bear - excuses

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Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:50:10 -0400

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Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:36:32 -0400

La Gomera Second smallest island of the Canary Islands. Best...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:35:09 -0400

La Gomera

Second smallest island of the Canary Islands.

Best preserved area in Europe

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Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:34:28 -0400

Imperative

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:00:46 -0400

You want to forget, but you can’t, so stop trying. Stop teasing yourself. The cacophony of that car crash has silenced her. Crash, klunk, boom, death, gone. Move on.

For years you go through those stages. The stages where you spend the mornings frantically running trivial errands and working. The work you do is relentless. It’s so you can not think, but only focus on the plastic parts of toys you mindlessly assemble. You refuse to work on the dolls that seem to mock you. Their arms and legs remind you of her body, hanging limp outside the smashed drivers window. So you assemble trucks and airplanes without thought. Day after day.

The grey assembly line relaxes you. You think of how it is all planned out, you know everything, all-powerful. You fancy yourself as a god. There is no unexpected for you. No accidents, no risks. Just grey content.

You count down the seconds of the clock on the white wall in front of you, hoping time slows down. The work bell sends shivers down your spine, like that Jimmy Peterson linebacker from high school. And of course, football reminds you of her. The pom pons bursting in the air, illuminated by that smile. Fireworks.

After the sting of the bell subsides, the other people in the factory filter out, and you talk with your only friend Alberto on the way to your empty home.You always walk slow, and Alberto knows this. He understands why you step so calmly, walking through a quicksand of loneliness.

“So how you doin’ amigo?” Alberto says in that voice; a spiciness that sends warmth, a brief feeling of comfort.

“Fine.” You say. You bite your lip. What is wrong with me? You ask yourself. Fine? Speak man. Let it out. You scream inward.

Alberto always shakes your hand once you reach your house.

“Buenos noches.” He says with that sympathetic smile.

You put on a fake smile, thank him and spin around on your worn out heels and walk up your sidewalk.

“Cada cual hace con su vida un papalote y lo echa a volar.”

It means: we each make a kite of life and fly it as we will. But you don’t even process it.

It’s just one of his Mexican sayings that he says every night to you. You have given up on your Spanish. It reminds you of her. Her Spanish was beautiful. That semester she volunteered in Columbia taught her well. It blew your mind when she got back. She took you salsa dancing. You still think about that red dress, and those legs. You fell in love with her again that night.

Now, you spend your nights reading and drinking. It’s the best way to escape your reality of the house, where the floorboards scream her name, the table she picked out at IKEA that she needed to have and of course, her chair. You can’t bring your self to move or sell anything, even though you need the money. You spent most of it trying to save her.

So you press yourself into the books, and soon the white russians lullaby you to sleep.

You have been going through these stages, but you are slowly learning. Some of your Spanish is coming back.

“El mal de amores duele, pero no mata.” Alberto says one night.

Love sickness hurts but does not kill. You understand.

You watch TV that night with only one glass of wine.

There are a lot of things in which I don’t know. I have ideas, thoughts and emotions swirling...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 01:01:38 -0500

There are a lot of things in which I don’t know. I have ideas, thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head and heart, but I realize that there is a lot I do not know. However, there are things that I do know with every ounce of me. I know I desire love. I want happiness. I want educational equity for all. I want to make human connection. I want adventure. I want to indulge in everything life has to offer and conquer all the obstacles along the way. I want the feeling you get waking up next to someone you love with the sun trickling in and not feeling like you need to get out of bed. I want the nights where you find yourself talking with the sunrise and the nights you discuss over breakfast. I want the moments that make you dance in the shower or smile at yourself in the mirror. I want to know more about myself and more about others. I know I want all of these things and I know that sometimes I may not know how to get there. But I think that my burning desire at the core of me will guide me there. I think that through learning from mistakes and truly improving upon my perceptions, I can truly know and be. Be the best man I can be. I know this because I couldn’t sleep without putting these thoughts down. I may not have all the answers but I have many questions I want to answer. I may not know what to do at moments but I know I will eventually. Sometimes I wonder if I question things too much, and that I should just let it be. But something within me won’t stop until the flame within me is calm, and I’m at peace. Until then, burn, burn, burn and never stop wanting to know how.